Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i've created a new STD.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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