Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
