I heard we made out
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
