Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
