The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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