I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
