She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
