I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
