i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
