just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
zippers are such a cool invention
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
