he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
