if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
