I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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