Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
