like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
