Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
