Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
