life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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