I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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