that's an acceptable place to lick
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
