yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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