So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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