her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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