Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
