Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
