You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
