Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
