I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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