dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
