Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry about my life...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
