So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
