everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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