dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
