Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
