How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
