he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
