Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
