Fuck appropriateness.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
