Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
