Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
