she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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