apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
