the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
