We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
