Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
