normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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