Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
