On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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