Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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