Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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